Dog Jokes & Beagle Humor For Making Happy Beagle Owners


Things Housepet Beagles Must Try To Remember…

  • I will not play tug-of-war with Dad’s underwear when he’s on the toilet.
  • The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
  • I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m lying under the coffee table.
  • I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
  • I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.
  • I will not eat the cats’ food, before or after they eat it.
  • I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.
  • I will not throw up in the car.
  • I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.
  • I will not lick my human’s face after eating animal poop.
  • “Kitty box crunchies” are not food.
  • I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.
  • The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
  • I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up her bottom end.
  • I will not chew my human’s toothbrush and not tell them.
  • I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.
  • When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it’s raining outside.
  • We do not have a doorbell.  I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
  • I will not steal my Mom’s underwear and dance all over the back yard with it.
  • The sofa is not a face towel.  Neither are Mom & Dad’s laps.
  • My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
  • I will not bite the officer’s hand when he reaches in for Mom’s driver’s license and car registration.

A man was driving along the highway and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately, the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road and got out to see what had become of the rabbit.
     

Much to his dismay, the rabbit was dead. The driver felt so awful to begin to cry.

A woman driving down the highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong.
     

“I feel terrible,” he explained. “I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it.”
     

The woman told the man not to worry. She knew what to do. She went to her car trunk and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead rabbit, and sprayed the contents of the can onto the rabbit.
     

Miraculously, the rabbit came to life, jumped up, waved its paw at the two humans, and hopped down the road. Fifty feet away the rabbit stopped, turned around, waved at the two again, hopped down the road another 50 feet, turned, waved, and hopped another 50 feet.
     

The man was astonished. He couldn’t figure out what substance could be in the woman’s spray can! He ran over to the woman and demanded, “What was your spray can? What did you spray onto that rabbit?”
     

The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label. It said: “Hare Spray Restores Life to Dead Hare. Adds Permanent Wave.”

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